Well I don't exactly have the best of excuses for the hiatus (not that anyone reads this). I did have an internet blackout for a couple of weeks but chalk the rest up to laziness. Anyways it's time to bring out a segment I have always been meaning to write.
The lights go on revealing a well laid out kitchen with a tall man with black hair standing behind the counter. The counter is lined with ingredients for the main dish.
"Now it's time for Cooking with Chris!" A loud voice announces to the cheers of the audience.
"Welcome everyone to my cooking show!" The host Chris said gesturing to the set. "Today we're going to be making my world famous waffles."
Grabbing a large mixing bowl from one end of the counter and pouring some pre-made pancake mix and adding in some other ingredients.
"You can make this from scratch but honestly there really isn't any difference. It will come out the same in the end." Chris said whisking the batter deftly. "It is also very useful to get out your waffle iron at this point."
Putting the bowl down Chris looked around trying to find the waffle iron. Cursing as he rummaged through the cupboards and looked around the counters. Opening one cupboard a large selection of pots tumbled out knocking him to the ground.
"Who packed these cupboards! I do not need more than two onions people!" Chris yelled coming out from the mess of cookery that fell on him and tossing some onions towards the sink. "Ah I found the waffle iron!"
Setting the waffle iron on the counter Chris whisked the batter a little bit more before setting it aside.
"Now we pour in some batter." Chris said grabbing a measuring cup and scooping the batter from the bowl and onto the waffle iron. "We close the lid and wait a few minutes."
A few minutes later
"It's very important not to open the lid too soon. Otherwise..." Chris said as he opened the lid and frowned as the waffle was torn in half. "That happens. God damnit! Hold on while I scrape this off."
Several minutes of scraping later
"Alright this time let's try greasing the iron and leaving it in longer. Despite what you think I have done this before." Chris said as he took a stick of butter and greased the iron. "Let's try this again."
Scooping more batter onto the waffle iron he set the top of the iron down gently and waited. It didn't take long for the batter begin to overflow and send Chris scrambling to clean it up.
"Too much batter is a bad thing. But you should clean this up before it dries and becomes more difficult." Chris said with increasing agitation as he tried to clean the waffle iron. "Ow I burned my finger!"
Several minutes later
"It is always a good idea to have a first aid kit on hand when working in the kitchen." Chris said holding up his hands with a total of five fingers bandaged. "Now our waffle should be finished. Let's see how it turned out."
Opening the waffle iron once again tore the waffle in half.
"Son of a bleep bleep. god damn bleep, bleeping bleep." Chris yelled picking up the waffle iron with his bare hands and throwing it across the room. "My hands, bleep bleep!"
Four burly men wearing shirts with station logos on the back rushed out to restrain Chris from picking up any of the knives in the kitchen. The four men wrestled Chris to the ground just before the screen cut to technical difficulties.
Several minutes later
The screen comes back in on Chris with his hands and several other body parts bandaged. He has a goofy looking smile on his face and looks totally out of it.
"That concludes our segment of cooking with Chris. Tune in next time for more cooking fun." Chris says in an almost too pleasant tone.
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